Monday, October 1, 2007


I can't shake this heavy soul destroying feeling that this man has ruined every possible romantic relationship i will ever have. Before i was attacked i went out, had fun, the thought of having or not having sex was never an issue. I was never promiscuous but i did have fun. Now I'm afraid to look a man dead in the eye. I have had one sexual relationship since. This was a man who was 14 years older than myself and treated me like a princess. I told him the bare details of what happened before we had sex. He was supportive and caring and everything I hoped for. We went out for a month after that and he stopped calling. I wish I knew why. The reason I believe is that he couldn't deal with someone who had my history. Truthfully i don't blame him. How can i expect anyone else to like me and accept my past when I don't?


Anli said...

i to felt this way and still do sometimes. however after very few relationships scince. i am now married to the most careing man ever he trys to understand me and although some time not completely. he's very surportive. so it is possible. i can completely understand as i've been where you are now. chin up and stay positive thats all i could hold on to. i am determaned to not let this man completely destroy me. but dont get me wrong i have felt like there was no end

Sicily Sue said...

I know how you feel. My heart breaks for how you feel. I am angry for you that this happened.

But I believe love again is possible... it isn't easy but it is possible.

I wrote about a guy I started seeing back in May...and how scary it was. We are still together. It isn't you that will make meeting someone tough. It is just luck.. or lack of it.

I hope for you someone kind.

Hanna said...

Well, maybe you should have spent time with him without telling him. You don't need to rush into telling people these things... I mean, you should have let him get to know you for you first. Then when you know each other really well you can mention it. I'll give you an example of what I'm talking about: A guy I like; he was 24 at the time I was (and still am) 21. From the moment I met him I knew we'd get along. Like most people I have no pre-conceptions of others; I get to know them on my own terms. I thought he was really sound. We talked and got along. Then a mutual 'friend' told me that he had a son. This un intentionally COMPLETELY changed my views on him. Suddenly, he was a Dad. He ended up falling in love with me. However, the feelings were never entirely recipricated because I found out too soon that he was a a father. I also found out from her that he didn't even have a junior cert. Yet I got along so well with him. Timing is crucial. At least you can hide this without having other people tell them. Then when you are ready; you can reveal it. Never under estimate the power of mystery.

Good luck


and another thing to remember is that this is now a part of you. People will pick up on it either way; without you even telling them. Therefore, if they are with you; they have accepted you; flaws and all...

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