Tuesday, October 30, 2007
1st anniversary
Sunday was the first anniversary of it..... I don't really know what i thought would happen. I got up. Did the normal things. There was nothing amazing about the day. I suppose i thought there should be a way of marking the day, of saying this is how i look and feel a year on. But no one knows. I really thought the pain would be less by now but it's worse. I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending everything is normal. I'm tired of living a lie behind a smile and laugh. I can smell him, feel him. I makes me sick. I wish this was a bad dream and i would just wake up. Someone pinch me please.
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I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. I WAS RAPED ABOUT 14 YEARS AGO AND EVERY YEAR I FORGET THE ANNIVERSARY...UNTIL MY MOTHER CALLS AND REMINDS ME OF MY GRANDFATHERS BIRTHDAY. THEY WERE ON THE SAME DAY. I STILL REMEMBER SITTING THERE WITH EVERYONE AFTERWARDS.
BUT THE WEIRDEST PART IS THAT EVEN THOUGH I FORGET ABOUT IT, I DON'T THINK MY BODY DOES. I NEVER HAVE CRAMPS BUT EVERY YEAR I GET REALLY BAD ONES DURING THAT MONTH.
IT DOES GET A LITTLE BETTER EACH YEAR. I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT.
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