Friday, October 12, 2007
Am I going insane?
I think I'm losing my mind. most of the time I'm a rational human being who does what everyone else does. I get up, I go to work, I talk to others, I watch telly, I go to bed. Other times I feel like I'm not in control of anything. For example I had to go for a breast exam with a male doctor during the week. I cried all the way to the hospital. In the waiting room I had a panic attack. The thought of this man touching me was heart breaking. I felt ill and became incredibly irrational. I spent the day screaming at my family. This isn't their fault. Then I went to bed. I couldn't get up. I couldn't face the world or the people I've been so horrible to. All this because I was scared another man would touch me when I didn't want them to. How am I supposed to live a normal life when I can't conduct myself properly in public? I feel I'm taking two steps forward and one step back. I can't see the end of the road...........................
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1 comment:
Hi,
I stumbled upon your blog today and I was moved by your posts and your sadness. I just wanted to encourage you to let it out and not to give up hope of future happiness.
It's not the kind of wounds that ever heal completely, but I assure you that you will get better. You will never forget - none of us can - but you will become stronger, and you will be happy again, I promise.
Above all, remember to be kind and generous to yourself, and to give yourself as much time as you need to regain control, and to gather as much strength as you need.
If you feel that you don't have support around you, or that you can't talk openly about your experience with your relatives or your friends, do continue to write, and go seek outside help.
It's not easy, and as some of us did, you might feel a little bit more of a mess as a result. But in the long run, it's worth it.
Take care,
aka Oni Baba
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