Have I found the one???????

I met a wonderful kind patient man several months ago. He has all the traits that I longed for in a person; he works hard for himself and his family, he has a heart that is full of kindness and respect, he treats me like an angel. After so long of keeping my secret hidden it came falling out my mouth after knowing him an hour.

There is something so unique about him in the way he looks at me. He never judged or gave his opinion. He just held me while I cried.
i honestly thought he would run or announce everything to the world. But he didn't. And he still hasn't.

Every night he holds me when I have nightmares. His kiss on my forehead before I sleep is better at making me feel safe than 100 alarms. He accepts when I get scared. I'm not scared of him or anything about him. I'm scared of my past ever repeating itself. above all he's patient. I make demands of him which are at best are irrational. They are tests he must pass to gain my trust. I feel like sometimes I am making him beg for me. i need in some strange way to be unreasonable and to have barriers to protect myself.

Self-preservation is the bottom line.

His patience is a quality that I admire so much about him. But it's not a quality that is endless. I'm going to push him away because sometimes it's too much. The touching the kissing the being with each other, sometimes it makes me hurt all over.
I know I'm not coming across every well right now but I am terrified that if I keep being the way I am I will lose him.
On the other hand if I don't have barriers how will I stop this happening again?????????